good morning, good evening, and good night

today: wake up ---- get up!!!

got up at 8
when my eyes opened up
no alarm!

started the morning with a banana
and some matte tea, YUM
naturally caffeinated

Decided to take the bus to work today
to save money :)
missed the first one, which made me an hour late to work.
work flew by
then I missed the first bus back home.... an hour later, I made it home :)

I love riding the bus because it makes Lexington feel bigger.
I see people I have never seen,
Everyone is going somewhere--------> different
The environment is different and its just me and myself in my head.
Its weird how riding a bus has such a different feeling than the rest of my day.

I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. $2.00
For the different feeling.

the ego shall always remain.

I used to think my ego needed to disappear...
It is so evil and selfish.
It only cares about its own survival.
"the ego" can only survive on negative energy frequency... positive energy frequency is too high for it to use. (thoughts = energy)
So my ego is always trying to create the negative thoughts and illusions in order to stay alive.
It is so sneaky sometimes.

But this morning lying in bed.. and being woken up by cramps at 4:30am, I realized my ego will always be in the background of my life. I am never going to be completely free from the strive to stay alive by my ego. It will always be scheming.

The important thing is, to know when it is striking me.. or to know when its striking someone else. If I can sense it in myself and in others, I will be able to see through the illusion created either by me, or by someone else and realize that unawareness is the culprit in action.

Of course its not that easy.. even when you know the ego is in action, its a difficult task to stop its negativity. In my experience it is easier to catch ego's games on my own; and it is also easier to notice the ego in other people. But the hardest (in my experience) is when you are your ego during interaction with other people (friends, spouse, family, boss...etc)

Sometimes my ego....
tells me I'm fat
tells me I'm not good enough
tells me my personfriend wants to leave me
tells me I am superior to other people
tells me I might die if I don't do what society thinks I should do
sometimes it even tells me that my pets are controlling me

jealousy, grudges, revenge, superiority, inferiority, fear, and illusions are all my ego...
they are all created so my ego can eat.
but its inevitable, and all I can do is be aware of it.

the word "bad" is poison its self.

I don't think anything is bad.
If you are a conscious person... or conscious while doing it
*conscious = aware, awakened, right mindset, good intentions
then its not bad. HAH.

we are all in charge of one person in this life..... and that's YOURSELF. hah, isn't that exciting news
(well unless you have kids, even then you are there to guide them in their own journey)

Why would I want to spend life worrying about what I'm doing wrong or what other people think I'm doing wrong....

I love YOU for you.

the only time i can love you is right NOW

now is the only time I can love you.
I can't travel through time and love you yesterday or tomorrow.
I can love you right now.

I haven't lost you today,
So I can't worry about loosing you tomorrow.
you can only love ME right now.

Past and future are the times that dwell in my stressing, fearful mind,
But in reality right now is all we have :)

I love you right NOW!
The rest will be

modest mouse - everything rides on gravity

Oh gotta see gotta know right now.
Whats that riding on your everything?

It isnt anything at all.

Oh gotta see gotta know right now.
Whats that writing on your shelf in the bathrooms and
The bad motels
No one really cared for it at all
Not the gravity plan.
Early early in the morning it pulls all on down my sore feet
I wanna go back to sleep.
In the motions and the things that you say.
It all will fall, fall right into place
As fruit drops, flesh it sags
Everything will fall/right into place
When we die some sink and some lay
But at least I dont see you float away
And all the spilt milk sex and weight
It all will fall, fall right into place.

These lyrics say a lot,
It seems so hard not knowing reasons for things you are doing or experiencing in your life,
But knowing that everything will fall into place -- or everything is happening for a reasons eases my mind a bit.
As bad or as good as your life, and/or your experiences can be, they are always subject to change... and that change is usually there to teach us something, or to further us in our progression toward fulfilling our purposes :)