recent fotos by oh yes jes

People in my pictures...




Someone I know...



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Someone I love....



ok ok, I love them both of course, I was just being dramatic to portray a photographer's personification :) hope it worked.

lauryn hill

Where did she go? Her music was SO influential and honest.
Her voice is SO moving, chilling, mood changing. Powerful.

She is one of the artists that has stuck in my head ever since the first time hearing her.
I wonder about her more... more.

I wonder.. does she have a house in the middle of no where
with her husband and kids?
Does she sing around them?
What does she do everyday?
Does she have a garden?
How does she live? What has she learned lately?
What has influenced her? What has taught her lessons?

I applaud her for speaking out, and getting out of the game of money, success, and fame.
But I....
She is very influential in my life. She still is.
Her messages are still being taught to me....
I am unlawfully demanding more from her when I haven't even learned all I can from what she has said already.

Thank you, Lauryn Hill for all your lessons, experiences, trials and tribulations. Thank you for your music and words.

here is a link to wikipedia's story on her.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lauryn_Hill

and here is a link with some statements from her husband.
http://www.blackvoices.com/blogs/2008/08/11/rohan-marley-speaking-up-and-standing-by-lauryn-hill/

I checked out her myspace page.
She joined in 2006 and her latest blogs are from 2006. her latest login was 11/28/08. The page seemed hopeful in 2006 when she wrote a blog "why do I have a page on this site"... she wanted to hear the people's voice.... our voice, and stay in touch with us.

Anyway, I hope she is doing well. From researching, it seems like she has gone through a lot.

Its so hard!

Raw/live food
Vegetarian
Vegan

so hard to do.
I have a hard enough time eating "healthy"
There is already alot in my life that I worry about

excuses excuses excuses.
I tried the raw food for approx two and half weeks.
I lost ten pounds, my skin felt the best its ever felt, I felt like I could do anything physically.

But my mind wasn't healthy.
It was poisoning.
Maybe I didn't make it long enough...
I gave in.

its so hard to eat well, with out training your mind to poison when you mess up on the diet.

mess up = negativity in my mind = poison.

i owe you

i love you.
i owe you.
I am sorry.

good morning, good evening, and good night

today: wake up ---- get up!!!

got up at 8
when my eyes opened up
no alarm!

started the morning with a banana
and some matte tea, YUM
naturally caffeinated

Decided to take the bus to work today
to save money :)
missed the first one, which made me an hour late to work.
work flew by
then I missed the first bus back home.... an hour later, I made it home :)

I love riding the bus because it makes Lexington feel bigger.
I see people I have never seen,
Everyone is going somewhere--------> different
The environment is different and its just me and myself in my head.
Its weird how riding a bus has such a different feeling than the rest of my day.

I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. $2.00
For the different feeling.

the ego shall always remain.

I used to think my ego needed to disappear...
It is so evil and selfish.
It only cares about its own survival.
"the ego" can only survive on negative energy frequency... positive energy frequency is too high for it to use. (thoughts = energy)
So my ego is always trying to create the negative thoughts and illusions in order to stay alive.
It is so sneaky sometimes.

But this morning lying in bed.. and being woken up by cramps at 4:30am, I realized my ego will always be in the background of my life. I am never going to be completely free from the strive to stay alive by my ego. It will always be scheming.

The important thing is, to know when it is striking me.. or to know when its striking someone else. If I can sense it in myself and in others, I will be able to see through the illusion created either by me, or by someone else and realize that unawareness is the culprit in action.

Of course its not that easy.. even when you know the ego is in action, its a difficult task to stop its negativity. In my experience it is easier to catch ego's games on my own; and it is also easier to notice the ego in other people. But the hardest (in my experience) is when you are your ego during interaction with other people (friends, spouse, family, boss...etc)

Sometimes my ego....
tells me I'm fat
tells me I'm not good enough
tells me my personfriend wants to leave me
tells me I am superior to other people
tells me I might die if I don't do what society thinks I should do
sometimes it even tells me that my pets are controlling me

jealousy, grudges, revenge, superiority, inferiority, fear, and illusions are all my ego...
they are all created so my ego can eat.
but its inevitable, and all I can do is be aware of it.

the word "bad" is poison its self.

I don't think anything is bad.
If you are a conscious person... or conscious while doing it
*conscious = aware, awakened, right mindset, good intentions
then its not bad. HAH.

we are all in charge of one person in this life..... and that's YOURSELF. hah, isn't that exciting news
(well unless you have kids, even then you are there to guide them in their own journey)

Why would I want to spend life worrying about what I'm doing wrong or what other people think I'm doing wrong....

I love YOU for you.