you have to "try" in order to succeed?

Upon graduation...

I told myself I was patient. My mother would call it stubborn.
I didn't want to be the typical case of, acceptable human. I saw people with real jobs... I saw people "grow up"....pfff, no way I would volunteer myself for that.

So instead, I spent time getting jobs, and making money NOT using my college degree. Since I HAD to make money, I was going to make just enough to get by. I was going to get it doing jobs which didn't required education, could be perfected by doing it numerous times, and had no expectations involved. I didn't want anyone watching my every move, and telling me how to do my job. Its annoying, and degrading (depending).

It was lots of fun at first :) not even close to a 30hr week, I had tons of time bop all over the place. I traveled with a credit limit of much too much, and openly revolted against any sort of traditional ways.

I was a baby again, exploring the world, and making my own mistakes. I didn't want to take the easy route.... I didn't want to feel like this life was just handed to me. (key word "feel")

After a while, or after my credit card ran out rather... the money became an issue. I couldn't make enough to satisfy my cravings (which aren't much, but still). I wasn't able to take off and travel anywhere, because I didn't have the money, I couldn't buy a new toy (ipod, camera, bike), and I could barley afford to eat. Every penny I made was accounted for in my planned budget, which I came up with in an attempt to make it work.

That's when I had to suck it up (my pride that is), and take the plunge. I printed resumes, and researched the internet. Made my rounds for about two weeks or so, and landed a great job. One that I don't feel stressed, one that I like having expectations for, and most importantly one that I am good at!

I believe it took that year of avoiding for me to realize why jobs are important. It took that year, for me to grow up, become fearless, learn to believe in myself, and to be able to notice good opportunities when they slap me in the face.

I am excited for my future... I feel stable(ish) making more money, and I am excited to learn more about this side of living.

Its fun trying.

the only time i can love you is right NOW

now is the only time I can love you.
I can't travel through time and love you yesterday or tomorrow.
I can love you right now.

I haven't lost you today,
So I can't worry about loosing you tomorrow.
you can only love ME right now.

Past and future are the times that dwell in my stressing, fearful mind,
But in reality right now is all we have :)

I love you right NOW!
The rest will be